i'm fine with whatever people want to blog about. you might not realise it, but it is like some public debate that is going on. i sort of enjoy this by the way. enjoy as in that i do not really mind. cos in this way, i discover that not everyone is happy all the time, that at the end of the day, we are all just humans, not robots, machines, heartless creatures, superheroes or evil villians, deviod of feelings. i can feel. we all can. it just depends on whether we choose to avoid, block and ignore it anot. it's all simply choices. you can all choose to, or you can not. feelings is one quality humans possess, so make good use of it.
i'm really tempted to click on that little red cross sometimes. aha! choices, choices. temptations. it is all so easy to get tempted. without a strong will, a wrong move, and you end up at the bottom of the heap.
i get angry easily, i'm just petty, mean and not really nice to people. i am rude, insults people frequently and makes no attempt to correct myself. i make others feel uneasy. i'm inconsiderate, snappy, moody and also have a tendancy to flare up easily and quickly. yes, that's mi. CHUAKIAWOON20061991. so sue mi. i'm right here waiting. i'll still be here if you ever decide to turn up. just cannot stand my surname by the way, shall not elaborate.
thought you knew me well? think again. i have many different faces, which are you looking at? honestly, nobody has actually seen what is underneath all these masks. try again. we like to decieve ourselves, just like how our eyes are tricked into thinking that light always travels in straight lines. it does not, just in case you have not been taught. born into this world, a game of life. everyone is cheating, and nobody is stopping anybody from doing so. it is not that they do not want to, it is just like that. there is no reason for it, it is just there. like many of Earth's mysteries, UFOs, loch ness(or however it's spelt), ghosts, the unearthy stuff. we have gotten used to it. no one kicks up a fuss about it now. i may be unfair in saying that, so, please pardon me, my view is warped.
if you think i'm a pleasant person, you are wrong. i can't stand alot of people. i try to, i force myself. yet, things cannot be done against my will, and if it is not fated to be, let it be. "let sleeping dogs lie/lay." i shall not be the one to provoke the dog and thus wake it up. it can sleep forever more, be my guest. anyway, as i was saying, i can't stand people who pushes others until they have nowhere to turn. maybe it is due to me hating the feeling of being trapped in a corner. being mercilessly treated is no fun. do you have to trap others? making others feel inferior may be good fun for you, but a horrible experience for others.
can we all shake hands and be friends? kiss and makeup. hmmx. that's the name of a book i read a few months ago. forget it, it's not possible (but it is not impossible). i am living in a world of my own. oh well. DREAM ON.
plus, i also cannot stand people who can't seem to have a life of their own. they live in the shadows of others, agreeing to what they say, not having any opinion of their own at all. get a life! well. but there are good points to having shadows. it is always there, so much that you get used to it. helps when you feel like hiding in the shadows. but it is still there. they themselves may not realise it, but not all people enjoy being shadowed. CONCULSION: it is just plain irritating.
guess i'm just describing myself in the past few paragraphs. i hate myself. true/false? upside is: one can always learn to love, no matter the time. as long as one's willing to take up the challenge.
sigh. i really should not be like that. forgive and forget. i will bear that in mind. please remind me of it the next time i get into an arguement. it will come into great help. yes it will.
i don't want to be so whiny, complaining everytime i speak. i'm trying not to. but maybe that is just me. changing is tough. and i'll try. sorry for those who find me too troublesome, whiny, pessimistic, unhappy, not forgiving, mean, horrible, moddy, snappy, crappy, gloomy and always complaining. haiz, the world is always trying to speak for you. i just wat to speak for myself.
"everyone seems to have a clear idea of how others should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
-------Paulo Coelho, in the Alchemist
journey
darkness's approaching,
dusk is here.
mist is stirring,
blindness fear.
scared to remember,
terrified to forget.
do not fear
heart's a'waiting.
travelling through,
i see myself.
end of the tunnel, clad in white.
am i there yet?
i wish.
am i?
i hope.
i can only hope.
wish for the best.
walk on
i trip
i fall.
i stumble.
my feet is caught
tied by worries,
unrealised dreams.
let me go
i can't.
only you can let yourself out
take a deep breath
i relax
clear my mind
i let go
and i do.
walking on,
i feel my way around.
i experience new things
i try to understand.
the sun is here
dawn's coming
lightness strikes
the mist clears
i can see
but can i really?
i hope so.
the day is it here?
can i open my eyes now?
i can only trust
believe
and i can
at last
can i?
don't really know what i'm typing. its late. i just want to sleep.
~kiaa
& all along, its only what I thought.
4:04 PM